I went to the dentist today for my semi-irregular checkup and cleaning. Of course, I’m always paying close attention to the music being piped over the office’s system. Listening. Judging. Judging and listening.
A dental hygienist named Janet came in to take some X-rays and cause a bloodbath clean my teeth. She was nice. I’m guessing she was relatively new—yep, just checked; she graduated from the dental hygiene program at Mt. Hood Community College in 2006. Janet sat me down, handed me the television remote, shoved some jabby thing in my mouth and proceeded to shoot X-rays into my skull. She was very gentle.
At this time I was ignoring the TV, and listening to what was coming through the speakers. I heard “Smells Like Teen Spirit” (promising) and a bunch of bands that sounded like variations of Michelle Branch and the Goo Goo Dolls … including songs by Michelle Branch and the Goo Goo Dolls. By this time I was in full recline and Janet was scraping a year’s-worth of plaque buildup from my enamel. There was an awful lot of blood on her Latex gloves and I wondered if she was cleaning my teeth or if she had removed my spleen without me knowing. This is when I heard the Jack Johnson song—all sweet and inoffensive—coming through the speakers. It sounded oddly similar to the White Stripe’s “We’re Going to be Friends.” “He totally ripped that off!” I thought to myself. Turns out he got permission from Jack White to rip that off, as the cover-version appears on the Curious George soundtrack, released the same year Janet graduated from the dental hygiene program.
I was mortified. I would rather they clamp Poly Styrene braces to my choppers … though it did make the news that they will be filling a cavity and yanking three wisdom teeth from my skull seem less painful in comparison. Next thing you know they’re going to tell me Kelly Clarkson did a cover of “Seven Nation Army.”