The Days of Lore

Black Friday: Where have all the good times gone?

Friday, January 2nd, 2009 | musiX | No Comments

I am a fan of rock ‘n’ roll excess. Well, intrigued would be more accurate. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to be in your 20s and in one of the biggest bands in the world, where anything goes and everything is within reach: women, booze, drugs … red snappers (or mud shark, depending on which version of the Zep tale you believe). Essentially, you could get away with murder (just ask Vince Neil) … or die and come back to life (just ask Nikki Sixx).

This excess, of course, often spilled over like a bottle of Axl’s Dom on to a band’s tour rider—the contract between promoter and band that contains all the specifics and requests, from lighting and sound specs right down to how many bottles of Perrier would be available to the band members … and at which temperature they should be kept.

After a decade of searching, The Smoking Gun finally nabbed the holy grail of tour riders. You know the one I’m talking about … the 53-page rider from Van Halen’s 1982 world tour in which the members famously (infamously?) requested that all brown M&Ms be removed. While it sounds like a sure sign of rock excess, the members of Van Halen insist it was their way of making sure EVERYTHING was being adhered to … miss a little detail like separating out the brown M&Ms, and more important things—like spotlight three not being aimed properly at David Lee Roth—could get overlooked.

Other notable items on the ‘82 rider:
One (1) case Budweiser beer (12 ounce cans)
Four (4) cases Schlitz Malt Liquor (16 ounce cans)
Three (3) fifths Jack Daniels Black Label bourbon
Two (2) fifths Stolychnia vodka
One (1) pint Southern Comfort
Two (2) bottles Blue Nun white wine
Herring in sour cream
One (1) tube KY Jelly

Mmm. The band’s rider was much tamer for the recent reunion tour. NO KY. No alcohol, save for Eddie Van Halen’s onstage cooler, which includes only “four (4) mini bottles of Gallo Twin Valley Cabernet Sauvignon (red & white label, red cap).” Apparently all the alcohol has been replaced with Red Bull—Mr. Roth will take 15 cans in his dressing room and six more onstage, please.

Dressing rooms are separate as well in 2008, with Diamond Dave’s to be located “as far away” from the others as possible (guess the reunion doesn’t necessarily mean their pals again). Oh yeah, “Mr. Roth practices martial arts in his dressing room, and in order to do this there can be no rugs or carpeting of any sort.” Now, if The Smoking Gun could get a hold of a Van Halen rider from 1998 so we could see what Gary Cherone demanded in his dressing room …

Another rocker’s rider surprised me. Ted Nugent. Will not accept any takeout “i.e. McDonald’s, Fish & Chips, Weinerworld [sic], Chinese Etc.” Well, I always knew The Nuge didn’t like wieners … or the Chinese. BUT. He also requests Slim-Fast (Tropical Fruit flavored) and “MAN SIZED KLEENEX.” And all you tree-huggin’ hippies will appreciate that the Motor City Madman will not tolerate styrofoam or polystyrene containers ’cause “The 2002 Ted Nugent tour is very environmentally conscious.” Although I was a little dissapointed to find out that instead of killing his dinner, Nugent opts for a rotisserie chicken from Boston Market. Even The Nuge is going soft … a very man-sized Kleenex kinda soft, of course.

Tags: Black Friday, metal, Ted Nugent, The Smoking Gun, tour rider, Van Halen