I’m not gonna lie…this week has not been easy. In fact, it’s kind of sucked. We got our stimulus money on Monday (direct deposit, so we didn’t have the pleasure of receiving a T%*#p signature). A lot of people are still waiting for this important money–no matter how paltry it is in the grand scheme–because the pussygrabber-in-chief insisted that the Treasury stamp his illegible scrawl on each check. But you already know that.
So, how are you holding up? It’s getting old, huh? I’m not here to complain, because my family and me are in a much better place than a lot of people. But I am going a little stir crazy. It took a while, but I guess Groundhog Day Syndrome has finally taken hold. It actually hit me on Easter Sunday…
We woke up and hid some eggs and did the whole thing (honestly, I’m not comfortable telling my children that a giant bunny comes during the night and hides a bunch of eggs we leave for him–like, what the fuck is that all about? I just let my wife take the lead on that). When we finished, I called my brother, since it was his birthday, and after I got off the phone I remember it being about 11:30 a.m., and I sat on our old red couch in the garage and thought to myself, “Now what?” And I ran down the list of possible things to do, and it was the same list of things I’d been doing for the past three weeks.
Some of this anxiety has to do with the fact my partner, a teacher, is back to work (again, very fortunate!), which leaves me with our two kids basically all day. Now, I’ve been a stay-at-home dad for years. I’m used to this type of schedule. But now we can’t leave the house, save for an occasional walk around the neighborhood. The jobs that got me out of the house–DJing and working at a music venue–are no longer there to help break up the monotony. My patience is dwindling. I’m tired. It’s difficult to get any writing done, because once my wife is done with her work day I’m too mentally exhausted to do anything but decide whether or not to have a beer. The answer is usually “yes.”
My “taking it day by day” and “living in the moment” approach–which has helped me cope, is now just the cliche it’s always been (I’d kill to be able to watch a baseball game and hear a player say these lame phrases right now). I’m even at the point where “hanging out” with friends via Zoom or FaceTime has lost its novelty. And my occasional live-streaming DJ sets–designed to entertain myself and connect with others–have become just an exercise (as has watching others). The days drag on forever, while the weeks continue to blindingly whoosh by.
I know everyone is experiencing similar feelings–and, in many cases, with a lot more stress piled on top. Add to that, the grim news of the toll this virus is having on our already fragile and divided country. It’s hard. We’ve hit a tipping point. We’re all going a little crazy. We won’t be returning to normalcy anytime soon. Right now I’m choosing to deal with it by unloading a stream-of-consciousness mess of words, with no resolution. And I ended up complaining. But all of this is only temporary…right?